“Percentage wise, it is 100% easier not to do things than to do them, and so much fun not to do them — especially when you were supposed to do them. In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.”—John Mulaney (via maxistentialist)
I want love to be simple. I want to trust without thinking. I want to be generous with my affection and patience and love unconditionally. It is easier to love a person with their flaws than to weed through them. I want to love the whole person, not parts; and this is how I want to be loved.
I think that every once in a while you need to be told “I love you” by someone that isn’t obligated to say it.
Of course my mom will tell me she loves me. It’s expected of her. If she didn’t, that’d be extremely shitty. She’s required to, socially.
I think it means more when someone who doesn’t have to chooses you. Out of all the people in their life that they could love, they decided to love you. They don’t even have to talk to you. They don’t have to text you back. They don’t have to hang out with you or see your stupid face or put up with you ever. They could walk away. But instead they’re saying, “not only do I tolerate you, I’m better off with you”. That’s the real shit right there.
On the flipside for someone like me that is very insecure and generally doesn’t believe people when they tell me things, it’s really hard not to have someone who really loves you even though they don’t have to. There’s a constant self doubt that is never really put to rest. Maybe I am as big of a piece of shit as I feel like sometimes. Why doesn’t someone choose to love me?
And it gets real confusing when you’re someone like me that is very sensitive to touch. When you’re cuddling with me, holding my hand, walking next to me, making physical contact with me, what does it mean to you? Is this the same as I mean it? Or is this just you being lonely with someone who is also lonely?
I dunno, man. I think too much. I want too much. I don’t trust people because I’m afraid of being hurt. Girls lie too much. They take advantage too much. They do and say things they don’t mean too much. So it’s scary, falling for someone.
I guess that’s what this is about. I want her to feel like how I feel. I want to hear her say that she wants there to be “us”. I don’t believe her when she reaches for my hand. I want to just let it be natural with no expectations but I also don’t trust that she’s not also doing this with other people. How would I know if she was?